translate me. please.

i have never been as happy with having my haircut and foot spa, as last saturday.

oo na, maarte ako, sabi nga ni taselle, dahil nagpapa-foot spa ako. daig ko pa raw sya. ang sabi ko naman, if you have no one to pamper, better to pamper yourself. kaya ka nga nagtatrabaho e, para may lustayin ka sa sarili mo.

i was seated at the couch of a certain salon chain, waiting for my turn to have my foot spa. i'm done with my haircut already that time.

two chinese ladies went inside. "haircut ma'am?" sabi nung receptionist. tumango naman yung dalawa. fine. so umupo sila sa katabing couch, habang naghihintay ng gugupit sa kanila.

finally may nabakanteng bading, este, manggugupit. "ma'am, halina po kayo!" pa-sweet na tawag ni bading. hindi natinag yung dalawang girls. it turns out, hindi pala sila nakakaintindi ng tagalog. at hindi rin gaanong nakakasalita or nakakaintindi ng english, except for the basics siguro. kaya ang ginawa ni bading, kinawayan yung dalawa, nag-sign language at ikinorteng gunting yung index at middle finger, sabay sabi ng, "aaah! eeh! eeh! aah! eh! ahh!" na parang sea lion.

tumili yung isang bading na may ginugupitan din that time. "bakla, intsik lang sila. hindi sila pipi!"

luckily, lumapit na yung dalawa at umupo na yung gugupitan sa kanila dun sa tapat ng salamin. "what haircut?" tanong ni bading. of course, pinilit din ipaliwanag ni chinese girl ang gusto nyang mangyari pero turo-turo at hawak-hawak lang sa buhok nya ang ginawa nya. na ikinaloka ng bading. "naku, pano ko ba gugupitan to? hindi ko maintindihan ang gusto nyang mangyari! baka mamaya makalbo ko sya!"

buti na lang, merong magjowa dun na nagbigay ng pag-asa. si lalake, hapon yata na marunong mag-mandarin. or korean ata sya. or vietnamese. or chinese talaga sya. (basta, iisang template sila. just get my point lang na pwede syang makipagcommunicate dun sa babaeng gugupitan at sa kasama nya.)

ang problem, hindi rin kayang i-translate ni mr. singkit yung requirements ni miss customer dahil hindi naman sya marunong mag-tagalog. kailangan pang i-translate ni pinay jowa naman para kay bading. sa madaling salita, nakuha ni mr. singkit yung requirement, at naipaabot na ni pinay jowa kay bading.

si bading naman ang napatili na. sabi nya kay miss customer, "cannot be! cannot be! your hair, you know, curly. you know, wavy. if we thin here... ssshhhhhhhhhhh...." while making the long spraying sound, his fingers were mimicking spider legs on the customer's hair. and finishes his sentence with, "anong gusto mong maging, diva o construction worker?"

translation: "naku, hindi pwedeng gawin ang pinapagawa mo. kulot ang buhok mo. pag ninipisan natin yan dito, bubuhaghag yan. (that explains the long spraying sound.)"

mamatay-matay ako sa kakatawa. kung ganun nga naman ang kausap mo, who needs passing 6 english subjects in elementary, 4 english subjects in high school, and another 4 in college? wala.

uy, ang laki naman nyan!

sad. i've been getting some bad reviews lately.

"parang tumataba ka."

"tumaba ka ba o sa damit mo lang?"

"mukhang napapasarap ang kain ah."

i don't know. i've been trying my best to cut on my carbs for some months now, pero mukhang walang epekto. na-notice ko rin na unti-unting sumisikip ang pants ko. (no, hindi bastos yang ibig kong sabihin.) sinukatan kami ng office uniforms mid of last year pa.

ngayon sinusuot na namin yung uniforms. ang iniisip ko na lang, nagkamali ng sukat yung nagtahi.

and as an inspiration, lagi kong pine-play sa isip ko yung mga linya sa Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen):

you are not as fat as you imagine.

remember the compliments you receive. forget the insults.

enjoy your body. use it every way you can. don't be afraid of it. or what other people think of it. it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
 
do not read beauty magazines. they will only make you feel ugly.

accept certain inalienable truths.

one time, a former officemate, a well-endowed girl at that, at kilala for being taklesa most of the time, told me, "sir rodel, ang laki-laki naman ng tiyan mo!"

to which i snapped, "wala namang pakialaman! yang ANO mo nga, ang laki-laki din, pero hindi ko pinakikialaman!"

ganyan lang ang labanan minsan. gulatan lang.

bawal pumasok dito

life is strange really.

one minute, you're happy. suddenly, you're not. one minute, you're humming a song inside your head. the next thing you know, you're composing a lethal chant intended to harm others.

kadugtong ito nung valentine post ko.

after a lively night of dance music and senti love songs, joey, eyps, helene and i went our separate ways from metrowalk at around 2am. as was my habit, i always let my companions get to their cabs first so i could note down the plate numbers, taxi names and contact details. kunwari magaganda at bata sila at kailangang masigurong makarating sila ng safe sa mga bahay nila.

around 230am, i have received separate text messages from joey and eyps (helene and eyps shared a cab), telling me that they arrived home safely. good.

at around the same time, i was outside our compound's gate na rin. unfortunately, it was locked, disallowing me to enter. bad.

ganito yun. i live in an 11-door compound. the gate has 2 bolts at the inside: one of them, the upper one, pwedeng buksan from outside dahil abot-kamay sya; the other one, yung lower, nasa bandang gitna nung entire height ng gate. ibig sabihin, hindi ko sya mabubuksan from the outside. well, pwede pa rin naman kung ikaw si yao ming. or kung sawa yung isang braso mo.

so imadyinin nyo na lang. pagod ka sa gimik, mejo nakainom ka, mejo nagda-dry na ang contact lenses mo at dumidikit na sa eyelids mo, at higit sa lahat, sobrang inaantok ka na. ano kayang gagawin mo?

ako? inisip kong kalampagin yung upper bolt at nang may magising para pagbuksan ako. kaya lang naisip ko, "sibilisado ka. gwapo ka. sosyal ka. bakit mo gagawin yun? ano kah, mahirap?" sumagot naman ako ng, "alam mo, may point ka jan." nagulat nga ako, kase boses malat yung sumagot. parang hindi ko boses. masyado na nga lang patong-patong yung kamalasan kong inabot kaya hindi ko na pinansin yun.

ang ginawa ko, naglakad-lakad ako papunta kung saan habang nag-iisip ng plan B. option 1, magpunta sa nearby mot-mot at mag-check in. taga-pasay kaya ako, kaya siguradong meron nearby. ang problema, baka wala rin akong makuhang room dahil balentayms nga nun.

option 2, kontakin ang mga friends na malapit, kung sino pang gising at baka sakaling pwedeng makituloy. kaso, pa-lowbatt na ako, tapos bigla pang pumasok yung text ni Globe na tapos na ang unlitxt ko. sobrang badtrip talaga. kaya nagpunta ako sa mini-stop para magpa-load at mag-charge.

option 3, pumunta sa suking massage parlor. isang oras din yun, tapos pwede pa akong umidlip afterwards, just in time para paggising ko, pwede na akong umuwi hoping na may nagising na sa neighbors ko at nagbukas na ng gate. syempre, ultimate malas moment ko na ito kaya itodo na natin. walang available na therapist! i had to wait for one hour daw. wow men, hindi ko na ito kaya.

last option, magbabad sa 24-hour fastfood hanggang mag-umaga. umorder ng kape at sausage mcmuffin. oops, libreng promotion. at habang nginunguya ko yung sandwich at unti-unting nilalagok yung kape, bumulong na naman yung malat na boses sa isip ko. napalingon nga ako sa sobrang gulat e. wala lang. nagbonding kaming dalawa habang nagco-compose ng chant para sa aking neighbors. (hindi ko pwedeng isulat dito yung chant. baka mamatay yung magbabasa.)

ang hirap ng may neighbors na tamang praning. all of a sudden, ang mga good-natured neighbors ko, ayun, nag-implement ng curfew sa buong compound without consulting everyone. "para maiwasan ang mga nakawan," daw ang reason. i've lived in that compound for almost 10 years. way, way before anybody of them did. ni isang sampay, hindi ako nanakawan. badtrip to the highest level talaga.

saan ka naman nakakita ng security measure that would prevent entry. even yung nakatira dun mismo. kakaiba.

the following night, gumimik ulit ako. biglang-bigla, lahat sila nanay ko. lahat sila, kailangan kong pagpaalaman pag gigimik ako. before i left, nagdikit ako ng note dun sa gate, telling everyone na wag i-double lock yung gate dahil late na akong uuwi. in a very nice way. may kasama pang smiley. leche. kung gusto ko pala ng may rumerenda sa mga lakad ko, sana nag-bedspace na lang ako. nakamura pa ako. ang hindi nila alam, ang totoong sinabi ko:

"gigimik ako. late na ako uuwi. single ako kaya i deserve a life. wag nyo akong igaya sa inyo. hindi ko kayo kaanu-ano, kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ako nagpapaalam sa inyo dahil lang gigimik ako. plis lang, wag nyong isasara ang gate."

followed by the deadly chant.

valentine cheesecake

'Cause this life is no good alone
Since we've become one I've made a change
Everything I do now makes sense, all roads end,
All I do is for you
- For You, Kenny Lattimore

such cheesy lines. for such a cheesy occassion.

last valentine's day, i went out on a date (date daw o!) with dear friends joey and eyps. with aiz din sana kaso nag-back out ang lola at the last minute para sa totoong date. hmp. nakikisama na sa commercialized population ha. at hindi ko pa binabanggit nyang lagay na yan yung natanggap nyang gulay the day before. haha.

but back to my story. again, i was with the two girlets, plus helene and albert(?) to watch the gig of powerhouse at aruba in metrowalk. yup, powerhouse band. ang kinarir na friendship ni... oh, never mind.

everything was fine. powerhouse's first set was lively as expected. the usual house music na forte nila, coupled with a few love songs. er, make that senti love songs, in celebration of the v-day. the other band that night (3rd avenue, if i got their name correctly) was equally good. i must admit that i did not know the band before that night, but hell, they're good. i was amazed by the male vocalist's vocal range as he belted out ewf's Time Will Reveal and Reasons. never have i heard someone sing those songs live so perfectly. they're a band to watch out for, i must say.

oops, nawala na naman tayo sa istorya. ganyan kadisorganized ang utak ko. ngayon alam nyo na. hehe. sige na nga, balik tayo sa kwento. during powerhouse's second set that night, james started singing Kenny Lattimore's For You, pero after the first stanza, may tinawag syang guy at pinaakyat sa stage. binulungan ako ni joey habang kinikilig: "may magpo-propose!" nagulat ako. akalain mong may kilig pa pala si joey, at her age! *let there be peace on earth...*

totoo nga. the guy was teary eyed as he sang another stanza of the song. in fairness, the guy had a good voice. shortly after, he started narrating about that night being special for him. and then he called his girlfriend on the stage. the girl seemed clueless of what was about to happen, with the surprise written on her pretty face.

it was my first time to personally witness a wedding proposal. laging sa movie or tv lang ako nakakakita nun. pero ganun pala talaga, the tension in the air was so real you could almost touch it. lalo na siguro kung nag-No si girl sa Will-you-be-my-wife proposal ni guy. fortunately, she said Yes in between her sobs. the couple's group of friends were jubilant. all the others in the audience somehow joined in the celebration.

the guy was in tears as well when he stood (nakaluhod sya nung nag-propose, anubeh) to kiss his bride-to-be. and then they were locked in an emotional embrace, amidst the cheering crowd. 'twas indeed a magical moment, with james continuing the song in the background. (at oo, teary-eyed din sya. lol.) it was the groom-to-be who finished the song, serenading the girl.

dati, when i watch proposal scenes on tv lalo na pag masyadong pine-play up yung dialogues, i sometimes cringe. anything na sobra sa cheese, nakakasuka. pero talaga palang ganun sa tunay na buhay. siguro this just means there is just that right time for each one of us para sa ganung moment. and that night was that couple's right time. i don't know them personally (i didn't even get their names di ba?), but i want to wish them all the best.

ako kaya, kelan ang moment ko? haha. parang malabo. asexual ako e. malanding asexual. nyahahaha.