kuya, x?

nag-lunch. naligo. nagbihis. naglakad. sumakay ng fx.

in about 10 minutes ng biyahe, sabi ni manong driver, "quiapo, meron?"

"meron, pero dun sa may overpass." ako.

bumaba ng fx. naglakad. umakyat sa overpass. naglakad ulit. bumaba.

ilang hakbang at isang liko sa kanto, nandun na ako sa pakay ko.

flashback. a few weeks ago, nahigaan ko yung eyeglasses ko. nabali yung frame. not to mean though na lahat ng mahihigaan ko, mababali. hindi naman ako ganun kabigat. flashback out.

so there was i, namimili ng bagong frame para sa salamin ko sa isang optical shop along paterno street in quiapo. kumbaga sa celfones, etong area na ito ang greenhills para sa eyeglasses. singganda, pero hindi singmahal, ika nga.

"matatapos ba sya today, ate?" sabi ko dun sa attendant.

"ok lang ba mga 5pm?" si ate. at um-oo naman ako.

with an hour and a half to waste, i decided na mag-iikot-ikot na lang ako. kesa naman balikan ko pa kinabukasan.

first stop. raon. naglipana ang mga electronics appliances. at may manaka-nakang dvds din. nakakita ako ng satellite dish, na minsan nang kinuwento ni essen over lunch. hit daw ito ngayon sa kanila dahil nakakasagap sila ng cable channels. for free. or at least, walang cable subscription na kailangan. astig.

"jan ka muna ha, babalikan na lang kita next time." promise ko dun sa isang satellite dish. naramdaman kong tinatawag nya ako habang papalayo ako.

"bilhin mo na ako! bilhin mo na ako!" sigaw nya. ngunit nagbingi-bingihan ko. parang yung huling eksena nina maricel soriano at jaypee de guzman sa Saan Darating ang Umaga. kaya lang walang umiiyak sa aming dalawa. haha.

next stop. quiapo church, gilid. sinuyod ko yung quezon blvd papunta sa underpass, at dahil hindi naman ako si lastikman para gawing isang hakbang lang mula sa raon, kailangan kong daanan yung hilera ng mga nagtitinda malapit sa gilid ng simbahan.

iba't ibang kulay ng kandila. may morbid black. may bloody red. may royal blue. sabi nila, a color stands for a certain intention.

sari-saring ugat. sari-saring dahon. ang pinakatumatak na label sa akin: pamparegla. jusme, sabi nga, kung gusto mo daw magkaanak, magsayaw ka sa obando. kung ayaw mo naman magkaanak, suyurin mo lang ang quiapo.

next stop. quiapo underpass. wow, underpass pa lang, mall na. andaming bisnes establishments. may tindahan ng mejas, may hardware, may gadgets (uhm, gadget ba ang flashlight?), may tsinelas, may payong, at may acoustic band. oo, magdala ka lang ng gitara, umupo ka sa hagdan, tumugtog at sabayan ng kanta. presto, may bisnes ka na. wala pang kaltas ng withholding tax at sss.

hidalgo st. ang sumunod kong pinuntahan. andaming tao. understandably dahil dito umiikot ang mga jeep na papuntang san miguel, punta, etc. at oo nga pala, quiapo ito. hindi pwedeng mawala ang mga piniratang dvds at music cds.

lakad-lakad. tingin-tingin ng dvds. tanong-tanong kung magkano. 3 for 100. ikot-ikot. tanong ulit. 3 for 100 din. lipat sa kabilang building. ikot-ikot. tanong-tanong ulit. 3 for 100 din. "hmmm. yun siguro talaga ang exchange rate sa ngayon," sa loob-loob ko. consistent eh. tingin ko nga eh may nagbabantay din sa presyo nila. saklaw kaya sila ng DTI?

nag-ikot na muna ako ulit. naghanap ako ng stall na may titles ng lahat ng gusto kong bilhin. isa yan sa natutunan ko sa trabaho. pag malaki ang volume, mas malaki ang pwede mong itawad.

as usual, pag nagiikot-ikot ako sa dakong iyon ng quiapo, hindi nawawala ang mga lumalapit sa akin para tanungin ako ng napaka-socially relevant na tanong:

"kuya, x?"

napapahawak tuloy ako sa noo ko, baka kako may nakasulat na pervert. ang nakakagulat nyan, yung ibang nag-aalok, kay babata pa. halos tumaas lang ng konti sa gasul, ayun at nagbebenta na ng mga pelikulang ang subtitle ay, bata, bata, ganito ka ginawa. yung iba naman, marami sila. hindi ko alam kung sino sa kanila ang tatay mo.

hindi ko na sasabihin kung bumili ako nung inaalok nila, at kung ilan lahat-lahat ang nabili ko. basta, ang masasabi ko lang, nakuha ko ng 30php each. nakatawad ako dahil sa volume. :)

wala pang 5pm nung matapos akong mamili, kaya i decided to have merienda at jollibee. sabay basa ng mga texts.

"gawa mo?" sabi nung isang friend ko. "dito ako quiapo." sabi ko. "namili ka na naman ng pirated dvds? isusumbong kita kay tito edu." sabi nya. ewan.

shortly before 5pm, nandun na ulit ako sa optical shop, claiming my glasses. ayan, pwede ko nang panuorin ang mga binili ko. in style. hehe.

the importance of plan B's

ironic. it's like rain on your wedding day, according to alanis.

no, i didn't get married yet. but it rained on an event that i considered important. mala-bagyong ulan pa 'kamo.

i had my first public speaking engagement last sunday. by public, i mean, pre-school kids, parents, teachers, and other mirons in the audience. (kunwari valid english word ang miron.)

i have always been afflicted with stage fright, pero during that time, ewan ko, pero i was so relaxed. kung pinagpapawisan man ako, it was not because i was nervous, but because nakahiyaan ko nang hubarin yung coat na suot ko kesehodang ma-dehydrate ako sa dami ng pawis na iluluwa ng sweat glands ko.

the moving-up ceremony started an hour late (which was still earlier than i expected). then came the usual portions. invocation. national anthem. opening remarks. welcome speech. song number. again, wala akong kanerbyos-nerbyos na naramdaman. (unless in denial ako.)

then came the introduction. (wow, ang ganda ng pagkaka-build up sa kin dun sa intro. as in, if i were a picture, baka isa na akong billboard.) and then everybody stood as i approached the podium, welcoming me with a round of applause.

anakngtokwa. hindi pa ako nagiinit na nakatayo dun, and i was barely through with my "thank you for that wonderful introduction" plastikan portion (in fairness, totoo yun sa akin. na-touched talaga ako sa intro, pramis.), ayun at isa-isa nang nagtatayuan yung mga magulang para kuhanin ang mga bagets. yun pala umaambon na. so the school principal approached me if she could interrupt, to which i obliged.

since the venue is not covered, it was time to activate plan B. the principal announced that we had to transfer to the church hall which was just a few steps away from the quadrangle. sure, it bought me additional time to polish my speech.

some 15 minutes after, i was delivering my message already at the church hall. i would like to think that somehow, i was able to get the audience's attention for the next 20 minutes or so. i even managed to inject some interactive portions with the kids at some parts.

when it was time to award medals to the kid achievers, the lights went off. which was coupled by heavy rains and strong winds. i told the principal who was sitting next to me, "bakit ganon? wala naman akong balat ah." which made her smile. apparently, it was the first time that it rained on their graduation day.

plan B again: generator. thank goodness for technology. the ceremonies went on with the support of the school's generator, until around 9pm.

i enjoyed the night nonetheless. speaking in public was quite an experience already, how much more if it was coupled with unforeseen events like rain and brownouts. at least, i didn't need a plan B to impact my audience, it seemed. because before the night ended, some teachers approached me that i delivered a nice message.

what rodel needs...

taking from joey's post. the instruction was to google [your name] followed by needs and enclosing the phrase with quotes. this is fun.

1. rodel needs to put their money where their mouth is (parang bastos. syempre where my mouth is, nandun din yung dila ko. i don't think my tongue would notice the money, as it might be quite busy.)

2. rodel needs your support (yeah. in cash please. please text me for the account number.)

3. what rodel needs now. I want to meet people who wants to do business and exporters of products from China and People willing to invest in China and anywhere (wow, sabi ko na nga ba i have a career waiting for me in the government. ZTE, is that you?)

4. rodel needs to improve his articulation, looks like dun sa guy sa mulangaw na mulawin (i am so agree to this. i am need to improve my articulation, especially tagalog languages. i am find it hard so much to speak tagalog, unlike english wherein i is very much fluency. so far, so good. so far.)

5. rodel needs a manager who will love him beyond the 30 percent cut (oo nga naman. it should be 50 percent, not 30.)

6. rodel needs a napkin (i do! i really do! sariwa pa rin kase yung tuli ko!)

7. rodel needs to play poker with someone else besides the computer (decoding instruction: play poker = get laid)

8. rodel needs to take home some money, not for the traditional feast, but to buy medicines for his kid brother (this is my melodramatic side. hindi lang pansit ang kailangan kong iuwi. kailangan din ni rudy, my imaginary kid brother, ng gamot. he is so sick with terminal dyspepsia.)

9. rodel needs the care and assistance only ALA is capable of giving (nyetah! andami namang rodel na lovesick! kainis! tama nang ako lang!)

10. rodel needs less than a second to make 9 laps (hihi. this is an embarassing admission. oo, i'm a premature ejaculator. )

naiinggit lang ako kay joey kase wala akong ibang name. antipid kaseng magbigay ng pangalan ng tatay ko e.

translate me. please.

i have never been as happy with having my haircut and foot spa, as last saturday.

oo na, maarte ako, sabi nga ni taselle, dahil nagpapa-foot spa ako. daig ko pa raw sya. ang sabi ko naman, if you have no one to pamper, better to pamper yourself. kaya ka nga nagtatrabaho e, para may lustayin ka sa sarili mo.

i was seated at the couch of a certain salon chain, waiting for my turn to have my foot spa. i'm done with my haircut already that time.

two chinese ladies went inside. "haircut ma'am?" sabi nung receptionist. tumango naman yung dalawa. fine. so umupo sila sa katabing couch, habang naghihintay ng gugupit sa kanila.

finally may nabakanteng bading, este, manggugupit. "ma'am, halina po kayo!" pa-sweet na tawag ni bading. hindi natinag yung dalawang girls. it turns out, hindi pala sila nakakaintindi ng tagalog. at hindi rin gaanong nakakasalita or nakakaintindi ng english, except for the basics siguro. kaya ang ginawa ni bading, kinawayan yung dalawa, nag-sign language at ikinorteng gunting yung index at middle finger, sabay sabi ng, "aaah! eeh! eeh! aah! eh! ahh!" na parang sea lion.

tumili yung isang bading na may ginugupitan din that time. "bakla, intsik lang sila. hindi sila pipi!"

luckily, lumapit na yung dalawa at umupo na yung gugupitan sa kanila dun sa tapat ng salamin. "what haircut?" tanong ni bading. of course, pinilit din ipaliwanag ni chinese girl ang gusto nyang mangyari pero turo-turo at hawak-hawak lang sa buhok nya ang ginawa nya. na ikinaloka ng bading. "naku, pano ko ba gugupitan to? hindi ko maintindihan ang gusto nyang mangyari! baka mamaya makalbo ko sya!"

buti na lang, merong magjowa dun na nagbigay ng pag-asa. si lalake, hapon yata na marunong mag-mandarin. or korean ata sya. or vietnamese. or chinese talaga sya. (basta, iisang template sila. just get my point lang na pwede syang makipagcommunicate dun sa babaeng gugupitan at sa kasama nya.)

ang problem, hindi rin kayang i-translate ni mr. singkit yung requirements ni miss customer dahil hindi naman sya marunong mag-tagalog. kailangan pang i-translate ni pinay jowa naman para kay bading. sa madaling salita, nakuha ni mr. singkit yung requirement, at naipaabot na ni pinay jowa kay bading.

si bading naman ang napatili na. sabi nya kay miss customer, "cannot be! cannot be! your hair, you know, curly. you know, wavy. if we thin here... ssshhhhhhhhhhh...." while making the long spraying sound, his fingers were mimicking spider legs on the customer's hair. and finishes his sentence with, "anong gusto mong maging, diva o construction worker?"

translation: "naku, hindi pwedeng gawin ang pinapagawa mo. kulot ang buhok mo. pag ninipisan natin yan dito, bubuhaghag yan. (that explains the long spraying sound.)"

mamatay-matay ako sa kakatawa. kung ganun nga naman ang kausap mo, who needs passing 6 english subjects in elementary, 4 english subjects in high school, and another 4 in college? wala.

uy, ang laki naman nyan!

sad. i've been getting some bad reviews lately.

"parang tumataba ka."

"tumaba ka ba o sa damit mo lang?"

"mukhang napapasarap ang kain ah."

i don't know. i've been trying my best to cut on my carbs for some months now, pero mukhang walang epekto. na-notice ko rin na unti-unting sumisikip ang pants ko. (no, hindi bastos yang ibig kong sabihin.) sinukatan kami ng office uniforms mid of last year pa.

ngayon sinusuot na namin yung uniforms. ang iniisip ko na lang, nagkamali ng sukat yung nagtahi.

and as an inspiration, lagi kong pine-play sa isip ko yung mga linya sa Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen):

you are not as fat as you imagine.

remember the compliments you receive. forget the insults.

enjoy your body. use it every way you can. don't be afraid of it. or what other people think of it. it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
 
do not read beauty magazines. they will only make you feel ugly.

accept certain inalienable truths.

one time, a former officemate, a well-endowed girl at that, at kilala for being taklesa most of the time, told me, "sir rodel, ang laki-laki naman ng tiyan mo!"

to which i snapped, "wala namang pakialaman! yang ANO mo nga, ang laki-laki din, pero hindi ko pinakikialaman!"

ganyan lang ang labanan minsan. gulatan lang.

bawal pumasok dito

life is strange really.

one minute, you're happy. suddenly, you're not. one minute, you're humming a song inside your head. the next thing you know, you're composing a lethal chant intended to harm others.

kadugtong ito nung valentine post ko.

after a lively night of dance music and senti love songs, joey, eyps, helene and i went our separate ways from metrowalk at around 2am. as was my habit, i always let my companions get to their cabs first so i could note down the plate numbers, taxi names and contact details. kunwari magaganda at bata sila at kailangang masigurong makarating sila ng safe sa mga bahay nila.

around 230am, i have received separate text messages from joey and eyps (helene and eyps shared a cab), telling me that they arrived home safely. good.

at around the same time, i was outside our compound's gate na rin. unfortunately, it was locked, disallowing me to enter. bad.

ganito yun. i live in an 11-door compound. the gate has 2 bolts at the inside: one of them, the upper one, pwedeng buksan from outside dahil abot-kamay sya; the other one, yung lower, nasa bandang gitna nung entire height ng gate. ibig sabihin, hindi ko sya mabubuksan from the outside. well, pwede pa rin naman kung ikaw si yao ming. or kung sawa yung isang braso mo.

so imadyinin nyo na lang. pagod ka sa gimik, mejo nakainom ka, mejo nagda-dry na ang contact lenses mo at dumidikit na sa eyelids mo, at higit sa lahat, sobrang inaantok ka na. ano kayang gagawin mo?

ako? inisip kong kalampagin yung upper bolt at nang may magising para pagbuksan ako. kaya lang naisip ko, "sibilisado ka. gwapo ka. sosyal ka. bakit mo gagawin yun? ano kah, mahirap?" sumagot naman ako ng, "alam mo, may point ka jan." nagulat nga ako, kase boses malat yung sumagot. parang hindi ko boses. masyado na nga lang patong-patong yung kamalasan kong inabot kaya hindi ko na pinansin yun.

ang ginawa ko, naglakad-lakad ako papunta kung saan habang nag-iisip ng plan B. option 1, magpunta sa nearby mot-mot at mag-check in. taga-pasay kaya ako, kaya siguradong meron nearby. ang problema, baka wala rin akong makuhang room dahil balentayms nga nun.

option 2, kontakin ang mga friends na malapit, kung sino pang gising at baka sakaling pwedeng makituloy. kaso, pa-lowbatt na ako, tapos bigla pang pumasok yung text ni Globe na tapos na ang unlitxt ko. sobrang badtrip talaga. kaya nagpunta ako sa mini-stop para magpa-load at mag-charge.

option 3, pumunta sa suking massage parlor. isang oras din yun, tapos pwede pa akong umidlip afterwards, just in time para paggising ko, pwede na akong umuwi hoping na may nagising na sa neighbors ko at nagbukas na ng gate. syempre, ultimate malas moment ko na ito kaya itodo na natin. walang available na therapist! i had to wait for one hour daw. wow men, hindi ko na ito kaya.

last option, magbabad sa 24-hour fastfood hanggang mag-umaga. umorder ng kape at sausage mcmuffin. oops, libreng promotion. at habang nginunguya ko yung sandwich at unti-unting nilalagok yung kape, bumulong na naman yung malat na boses sa isip ko. napalingon nga ako sa sobrang gulat e. wala lang. nagbonding kaming dalawa habang nagco-compose ng chant para sa aking neighbors. (hindi ko pwedeng isulat dito yung chant. baka mamatay yung magbabasa.)

ang hirap ng may neighbors na tamang praning. all of a sudden, ang mga good-natured neighbors ko, ayun, nag-implement ng curfew sa buong compound without consulting everyone. "para maiwasan ang mga nakawan," daw ang reason. i've lived in that compound for almost 10 years. way, way before anybody of them did. ni isang sampay, hindi ako nanakawan. badtrip to the highest level talaga.

saan ka naman nakakita ng security measure that would prevent entry. even yung nakatira dun mismo. kakaiba.

the following night, gumimik ulit ako. biglang-bigla, lahat sila nanay ko. lahat sila, kailangan kong pagpaalaman pag gigimik ako. before i left, nagdikit ako ng note dun sa gate, telling everyone na wag i-double lock yung gate dahil late na akong uuwi. in a very nice way. may kasama pang smiley. leche. kung gusto ko pala ng may rumerenda sa mga lakad ko, sana nag-bedspace na lang ako. nakamura pa ako. ang hindi nila alam, ang totoong sinabi ko:

"gigimik ako. late na ako uuwi. single ako kaya i deserve a life. wag nyo akong igaya sa inyo. hindi ko kayo kaanu-ano, kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ako nagpapaalam sa inyo dahil lang gigimik ako. plis lang, wag nyong isasara ang gate."

followed by the deadly chant.

valentine cheesecake

'Cause this life is no good alone
Since we've become one I've made a change
Everything I do now makes sense, all roads end,
All I do is for you
- For You, Kenny Lattimore

such cheesy lines. for such a cheesy occassion.

last valentine's day, i went out on a date (date daw o!) with dear friends joey and eyps. with aiz din sana kaso nag-back out ang lola at the last minute para sa totoong date. hmp. nakikisama na sa commercialized population ha. at hindi ko pa binabanggit nyang lagay na yan yung natanggap nyang gulay the day before. haha.

but back to my story. again, i was with the two girlets, plus helene and albert(?) to watch the gig of powerhouse at aruba in metrowalk. yup, powerhouse band. ang kinarir na friendship ni... oh, never mind.

everything was fine. powerhouse's first set was lively as expected. the usual house music na forte nila, coupled with a few love songs. er, make that senti love songs, in celebration of the v-day. the other band that night (3rd avenue, if i got their name correctly) was equally good. i must admit that i did not know the band before that night, but hell, they're good. i was amazed by the male vocalist's vocal range as he belted out ewf's Time Will Reveal and Reasons. never have i heard someone sing those songs live so perfectly. they're a band to watch out for, i must say.

oops, nawala na naman tayo sa istorya. ganyan kadisorganized ang utak ko. ngayon alam nyo na. hehe. sige na nga, balik tayo sa kwento. during powerhouse's second set that night, james started singing Kenny Lattimore's For You, pero after the first stanza, may tinawag syang guy at pinaakyat sa stage. binulungan ako ni joey habang kinikilig: "may magpo-propose!" nagulat ako. akalain mong may kilig pa pala si joey, at her age! *let there be peace on earth...*

totoo nga. the guy was teary eyed as he sang another stanza of the song. in fairness, the guy had a good voice. shortly after, he started narrating about that night being special for him. and then he called his girlfriend on the stage. the girl seemed clueless of what was about to happen, with the surprise written on her pretty face.

it was my first time to personally witness a wedding proposal. laging sa movie or tv lang ako nakakakita nun. pero ganun pala talaga, the tension in the air was so real you could almost touch it. lalo na siguro kung nag-No si girl sa Will-you-be-my-wife proposal ni guy. fortunately, she said Yes in between her sobs. the couple's group of friends were jubilant. all the others in the audience somehow joined in the celebration.

the guy was in tears as well when he stood (nakaluhod sya nung nag-propose, anubeh) to kiss his bride-to-be. and then they were locked in an emotional embrace, amidst the cheering crowd. 'twas indeed a magical moment, with james continuing the song in the background. (at oo, teary-eyed din sya. lol.) it was the groom-to-be who finished the song, serenading the girl.

dati, when i watch proposal scenes on tv lalo na pag masyadong pine-play up yung dialogues, i sometimes cringe. anything na sobra sa cheese, nakakasuka. pero talaga palang ganun sa tunay na buhay. siguro this just means there is just that right time for each one of us para sa ganung moment. and that night was that couple's right time. i don't know them personally (i didn't even get their names di ba?), but i want to wish them all the best.

ako kaya, kelan ang moment ko? haha. parang malabo. asexual ako e. malanding asexual. nyahahaha.